For Immediate Relief: Speaking Like a Human
I’m also a big fan of that yearbook-caption style of opening a sentence with a gerund (“Flipping the Wang Chung cassette in his Fiero, Douglas plucks at the pastel tee clinging like a crazy girlfriend to the sherbet Don Johnson blazer blazing in the blazing Dade City sun.”).
“A gerund attacks some peaceful pronouns”: and that’s why you never start a sentence with a gerund, though I’m sure I have at one time or another.
But seriously, these press releases — and this Newsgator release is nothing out of the ordinary — are so hard to get any sense out of. After a few sentences, my brain replaces the words with “blah blah blah…”